To begin, my intention is not to complain. I love my life, and I would not trade it.
But I have found it is an adjustment to be a stay at home mom, especially far away from where most of my friends and family live.
It was an adjustment when I first moved up here, but at least in the apartments I had some walking buddies who I would visit multiple times a week. But since I moved into my house in June, I have no walking buddy. I have great neighbors, and I love my ward, but no one that I feel comfortable knocking on their door just because I feel lonely.
My bestie lives 30 or 40 minutes away, and she comes up here to shop sometimes. Plus, we talk on the phone quite a bit. I go to lunch with old friends who live up here every once in a while. I have had a few awesome people make the 2 hour drive to come visit me (they are so awesome). I would go crazy without that.
Still, day to day my social contact is limited. It's an adjustment, and I feel lonely. I use to really enjoy meeting new people and being involved in many activities. Now my only scheduled thing some weeks is church. Sometimes wonder if all the life changes have caused me to start some type of identity crisis.
Hmm...who am I now? I am a wife and a mother. I love blogging even though I am not an interesting writer and my blog audience is rather small. I love my cats, but I don't like to think of myself as a crazy cat lady. I am still random and accidentally only say half of what I mean to while saying the other half twice. I love small adventures, but I need to get out and do it more. I am still not use to my post child body, and I need to get use to it. I always plan to exercise, but don't. I really need to because I feel that helps put me in touch with my body (plus I miss the extra endorphins).
I think one of my problems is I think I have so much time now that I do not use it wisely. I forget to factor in caring for the baby takes a bit of time in and of it's self. Plus, cooking (which is not a natural or developed talent of mine) takes a while. I live in a time warp (the daylight savings change hasn't help either). My husband's work schedule is awesome, but because he has a random day off in the middle of the week and never knows when he will actually be getting home the days he does work, it doesn't help the time void.
One thing I want to do is start setting goals and writing them down because I feel like my actions don't match what I want. I mean the important stuff is there, but I want more. It's easy to think goals, but putting then down in writing solidifies them.
Goal 1: Start working out.
Why: Makes me happy, makes me healthier, makes me look better.
Step 1: Make a chart I need (something to help make me accountable).
Step 2: Check out the rec center by my house (I am going to wait at least a day to do this because I am getting over the stomach flu).
What is this random picture of me in a wig from 2007 doing here?
Well, I since I am not an interesting writer (sad truth), I am compensating for with a picture.
To conclude: I don't know that I will ever get use to the seclusion of a stay at home mom, but my little guy is so worth it.
P.S. I am open to suggestions, and I actually really like when people leave comments.
9 comments:
Stephanie, you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same way you do. I love staying at home but it's hard because before I was so used to being around people all the time. It's a huge change and I find myself feeling isolated and lonely, and wondering what I'm doing...?
I've started volunteering just twice a week, for a couple hours at DDI where they have a little play area, so Weston can play, yet I have adult time too. It keeps me sane. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere where you can take Wes along?
And yes, I'm an exercise junkie and I feel weird and not good, when I don't do it. Maybe the rec center where you are at has a fun class or something you can go to?
I hear ya though, next time I'm in Logan, let's go to lunch or something k! I'll let you know!
Ummm...that is why I started my master's program, but I found that setting a schedule for my day really helped. I had to be disciplined at first, but then it was what I wanted to do.
Also, it helps if you choose one day a week as a get-out-of-the-house day. You get dressed up and go walk the mall or something, and I found that as I looked to serve others my life filled up nicely with worthwhile things that I wanted to do which helped with my daily scheduling.
Hope that helps.
Don't know much about your ward, but my ward started doing a toddler group, where kids 4 and under, and their moms, meet every tues at 10am to let the kids run in the cultural hall. We bring balls, toys, music, etc to keep kids occupied, while we talk and get adult interaction. Everyone looks forward to it. Kids are safe, and "stuck", it wears them out, and we have a blast. Maybe try to find some ladies in the ward that could benefit from that and start one?! Other option...have more kids!!! HA!
Stephanie, I felt the exact same way, and I had five little ones. You'd think I'd have been too busy to feel anything. Take a class, read up on something you want to know about, set up a playgroup for Wes and you (love the Weddle idea). And hang on. One day your kids will be adults, and become some of your dearest friends. love you.
So... staying home has never really been HARD for me. I MISS teaching however, and that's the hard part. I have to remind myself that as much as I miss being a teacher I love being with my kids more.
Now, I did work part time until I had Linus. So I've never stayed hom with just one child full time, so I've never exactly been in your shoes, so my guess is that the more time goes on the easier it will get.
When I started staying home my daughter was over 20 months and my son was due in the not too distant future. So I've always had older children/more than one child at home and it gets BUSY.
Things that help me stay sane - having a schedule. I know it sounds terrible, but it really helps me. I don't have an exact schedule, but "around" certain times we have snacks and playtime or activities or learning time (I can be more specific if you want). And if I skip something one day, it's no big deal. :)
I also make lists of things to do and that makes me somehow feel that I am BUSY all day long, when in reality I'm just puttering around. :)
The other thing that helps (and this will come when Wes is older) is that I get my kids invovled. Claire has a dance class on Mondays (which we pay for, but it's theonly thing we do pay for). Tuesdays we do storytime at the library, on the 3rd Wednesday of the month we have an art class (this I guess we pay for too, but it's only $6), Thursdays we go to Ready Set School! and Fridays are usually our bumming days where we stay home if we want or run errands. So, at least once a day we are out and about doing something.
I know this doesn't help now, but when your kids get older you will be BUSY.
And let me know when you want another playdate. :)
To every thing there is a season. Enjoy this one as much as you can and feel blessed that you can spend all your time with your little one. The time flies when you look back at it. This is counsel from an old woman :) Enjoy it . . . intentionally. You are perfectly normal and are doing the most important work you will ever do. Love you!
It is a difficult adjustment. Even for us introverts. A social introvert, but introvert all the same. The hardest part is not feeling like you have an identity to call your own...you're someone's mother or wife. It sounds like you're already on your way to finding a new balance. Just go ahead and embrace your inner cat lady. ;o)
A good first step can be story time at your local library. It is a great way to meet other moms and it is a great activity for your little one too. Staying home definately has its own challenges. Just make sure you give yourself credit for all the playing, loving and caring for you little one.
Really try to enjoy these days because believe it or not, the day is not too far away when you will feel you have no time. Sometimes we feel guilty or feel we must be getting bored because we're in a place where there is more time than we're used to. Try to remember all those things you wanted to do before, if you only had the time, and look into doing some of them. It helps a lot to be excited to get the baby down for a nap or to bed in the evening so you can pull out that project and spend some quality time with it. Don't underestimate your writing skills, sometimes writing the things we really feel helps us feel better, encourages our friends and creates a personal history, which your family will cherish for generations. Your writing skills are just fine, and interesting to read. Time is a gift whether it's racing away fast, or leisurely rolling along, and the isolated, lonely feelings can improve if you can find a way to be comfortable and feel value where you're at. You are a wife to a wonderful man, a mom to a beautiful son, and that makes you a very important person in their lives. Your identity is not lost, it is changing and growing everyday as you go on in your unique journey through life.
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